Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Bragging Rights

Because its been a great day and I don't want to bring anyone else down I think I'll do some bragging instead. 

In case you've been living in a hole underground with no access to the outside world there was a devastating earthquake followed by a horrible tsnuami in Japan.  The news footage is never ending.  Thousands are dead, injured or missing.  The people of Japan are doing as good as can be expected, in fact they are doing so much better then our own people here in America when we had the Hurricane Katrina disaster.

My youngest son is 6 years old and in the first grade.  We've talked about this disaster and how it is affecting the people of Japan.  He's really concerned because one of the little girls in his class has grandparents in Japan.  He asks after every news clip if that part of Japan is where his friends family lives.  I always tell him no.  He's just worried sick.

So on Monday when he walked into class he went straight to his teacher and asked her if their class could do a fundraiser to help the children and victims of Japan. 

My heart burst with pride when his teacher told me.  I'm sure the many talks and discussions about helping others helped him with this idea.  Needless to say his entire school is collecting spare change to help the victims of Japans' earthquake and I couldn't be prouder!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Where did all the fat go?

If your wondering where all the fat people are just take a walk at the grocery store or Walmart down the street from my house.  Holly cow batman.  I mean seriously how do you let your self get to be that big?  Its not healthy, its not attractive, and I'm sure it costs an arm and a leg to feed that belly. 

2083When did it become normal to have this big flap of skin and fat hanging so far down from your stomach that you can't see your knees?  Its hideous and wrong!  I'm not perfect and admit I own a few pairs of jeans that will give me the muffin top look (before you say anything I've had to kids so shut up).  But at the same time I'm not shooting for handicap plates on my car so I don't have to walk more then 10 feet the electric cart at the store.  What's the weight limit on those things anyway?  I could swear the woman at Walmart had smoke coming out from under hers.  Talk about engine strain.

So how do we take care of this obese epidemic?

I'm so glad you asked, because I have some great solutions:

  1. Lets not make clothing in that 2XL thru 8XL category any longer.  If they want to be that fat make them wear a sheet.  By providing these people with clothing that hides the enormous amount of fat are we really helping them?
  2. Put a scale in front of the counter at McDonalds and require these people to stand on it and have their weight publicly announced before they can place their order.  I can see it now..."You weigh 479 lbs.  Can I take your order? Would you like to supersize that big mac? No, ok let me make sure your order is correct.  That's a 20 piece chicken mc nugget, 2 big macs, 2 large fries, a large vanilla shake and a diet coke."  I guarantee that these people would turn around and walk out the door the minute they saw the scale.
  3. Lets narrow the doorways. Instead of those 40" doors or the double doors, all door opening should be 30" or smaller.  He he, I can just see these people trying to slide in sideways through the door like a bagel into a toaster.
  4. Mandate these people obtain a gym membership paid for out of pocket and use it before providing them with medical coverage.  Imagine the amount of heart disease and diabetes that could be cured with weight-loss alone. 
Just so we're clear I'm not a person who hates or despises overweight people.  I just don't understand how or why anyone would let their body fall so far into that fattening status.  Its wrong!  I want to live a long and healthy life and see my boys grow up to be the amazing men I know they will become, but I can't do that if I die from fat surrounding my heart and other internal organs causing unnecessary damage.  Wake up people!  Put the chili dog down and step away from the ho-ho's.  Grab a stalk of celery and go for a walk.  If you keep up these habits your going to die at an early age and the inheritance your family could have received will go to pay for your over sized casket.

A casket built for two or one REALLY large person

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Brown Chicken, Brown Cow

Ok, here's the deal.  As I was driving home from work the DJ on the radio was saying his 3 year old loved watching this music video and every time it came on his son would get up and sing the song and dance to the video.  Of course to be helpful I have attached the video for you to view before giving you my rational on it.

If you didn't watch the video you might not understand my rant.

Seriously, Is this a video aimed at children or adults?  Who lets their 3 year watch this?  I'm telling you right now if my 8 year old watched this he'd know exactly what those puppets were doing behind the hay bale.  What would Sesame Street and Jim Henson say if they had seen the cleavage on that female puppet? Eat your heart out Miss Piggy! If you want a rack like that your going to have to schedule an appoint with a Fluffing Surgeon.

Secondly, did they really end the video showing a chicken and a cow after doing the deed? Can you see that on Elmo's world.  Ohh Ohh Mr Fish, somethings wrong with Mr Noodles pants.

And why did she rip her eyes and hair off her face?  Anyone see the point in that?  Guess I can't ask for much since the video and song are titled "Brown Chicken Brown Cow"

Really, seriously the stripper pole in the hay loft.  What farmer keeps a stripper pole in the hay loft?  Obviously those are kept in the pole barn.  Hence the term pole.

I'm just not sure what the record label was thinking when they pitched this video idea.  Hey guys I know where we can get a great deal on some trashy farm puppets, lets use them for this video.  Maybe they figured since the song title sounded like a kindergarten lesson the video should appeal to that demographic.

Guess I can't complain too loudly, they could have used real animals...yikes.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Better late then never I guess

So I'm really late as my fabulous cousin Chad tagged me on his blog back in October, but there was so much going on then.

Its basically a change to answer a bunch of questions in as many words as you want as honestly, crazy or scarily as you want.

My hubby says I love to talk about myself so I guess there could be worse things.  I mean seriously most of my other blogs are about me bitching about something so why not.

1. If they were to make a biopic of your life what would it be titled and who would be casted to play you?

Seriously if they were to make a biopic of my life it would be a soap opera maybe we could call it, And you thought your family was awful.  If you look at my parents divorce record, my in-laws divorce record, the drama of the many divorces, my life would take one hour a day every weekday for 30 years.  Who would play me?  Hmmm the current me would be Mary-Louise Parker and then I would be recast by Susan Lucci because that woman is never going to age.  Finally as age would have to take its toll, I'd like to see me as an old lady played by Betty White.  (she reminds me of my grandma)

2. What is your favorite dessert? Be specific.
Did you say dessert.  That has to my mouths most favorite word, however my ass hates it.  I'd eat just about any dessert out there.  I'm good with chocolate; but I really, really love cheesecake with fresh strawberries on top.  Mmmm, if this doesn't get finished its because I headed to the kitchen for dessert.

Your hungry now aren't you?

3. What's your favorite cocktail, shot, and wine? In that order.

Well because I spend so much time drinking my favorite cocktail would have to be fruit cocktail.  I use to fight with my brothers over who got the most cherries, and now my kids fight over them.

I'd have to say my favorite shot is a .22 (again I'm a big drinker).  This little baby has no recoil and if shot into a head will just rattle around in there. (or so I'm told)

Now for the wine, give me anything that makes the voices go away.  After spending the day with 300+ elementary school kids on the playground I need some quiet.  Wine that goes good with a bath or a warm bed and a book is good too.

4. What is your favorite holiday? How would you celebrate it?

Hmmmm, favorite holiday? I'm really not so great at celebrating holidays.  I barely decorate for Christmas because it competes with my birthday.  Thanksgiving is spent at the coast. (Nothing better than turkey on the beach) and Easter is spent in the mountains.  I guess my favorite holiday is my husbands birthday.  We celebrate the entire month of February and every year the decorations just get bigger and better.  Even though we have Valentines Day and our anniversary in February I get more excited for my hubbys birthday.  The kids help me decorate and the hubby gets to feel like a king for a month. (as a bonus the decorations help with our bad moods when we do our taxes)

5. If you could travel anywhere in the world where would you go and why?

I'd go just about anywhere.  I would love to see the world.  I want to take my husband and children with me and explore this great world.  I guess a big place we want to go is Australia.  I want to see the toilets flush backwards.  Just kidding, it looks like such an amazing place.  Sure I'd love to explore Europe and parts of Africa and South America, but Australia has so many different things that are only there, not to mention those men with their accents.
6. How would you describe your personal style?

Is vintage rhinestone cowgirl chic a style?  Depending on the day my style changes.  If I'm in a mood its going to be something vintage and cute.  If I'm having one of those days where the men in the house are out numbering me there isn't enough pink or bling in the world.  I need to be feminine.  Then we have my cowgirl attire, because I always have been and always will be a cowgirl at heart.  But the fashion industry amazes me all the time and I love so many designs.  Especially the shoes.  If I could fill my house with shoes I would, but then I'd have no place for the purses that go with them.

7. What do you keep in your Box of "It's Not Going to Work Out"? (Basically, what secrets do you keep from your significant other that may make you look a little bat shit crazy?)

Oh where to begin.  Actually I don't think I have too many secrets.  I meet my hubby in a bar and married him 5 months later.  Maybe that makes me a little crazy, but 9 years later were still going strong.  I guess I'm a bit of a hoarder, but who isn't these days.  Hasn't it become trendy? No? Oh well.

8. Tonight you can do anything without worry of cost... what would you do?

Anything, did you really say anything?  I'd would definitely not be grading pathetic attempts at college research papers.  So I would love to go in and change some legislation in Sacramento so tomorrow I don't have to pay as much in my taxes and the taxes I do pay don't go to lazy ass people in the form of welfare.  I'd do some serious damage shopping online.  I love coming home to a box on the door step. Its like my birthday.  Make a quick trip to Disneyland and cut in front of everyone in line...yes I really would, then end the day at a spa being pampered.  Ok back to reality.

So I don't follow any other blogs to tag that haven't already been tagged....this means if your reading this and you don't have a blog you need to start one so I can read your answers.

One t.v. and two very confused kids

So this morning when I woke up I just couldn't handle the constant fighting and arguing over what show the kids were going to watch on cartoon network on demand.  My solution, stand in the kitchen pretending to make waffles while changing the channels with the other televisions cable remote. 

I know its probably evil, but I couldn't help but standing there changing channels and laughing hysterically in my mind.  The boys were so concerned that the t.v. wasn't working right.  Every time the on demand screen popped up it was suddenly turn off.  I know its wrong, but really for everything these kids put me through its the least I can do as a parent.

Just imagine it.  The kids turn the on demand programing on and suddenly it turns off.  Then the kids turn the on demand programing on and suddenly it turns off. The on demand stays on long enough for them to get to the kids programing and suddenly it turns off again.  They got so frustrated they just turned the t.v. off and went to play.

Look I know its bad, but I gave up facebook, so I have to find something to entertain myself.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Facebook and Lent

So I decided to give up Facebook for Lent.  A whole 46 days without social networking.  The time is now 7:40am of day one and I'm dying.  The temptation to click on that little facebook icon to check my status and see what everyone else posted is driving me nuts!  So now I have to come up with a list of things to do besides facebook.

  1. clean my house (yeah right)
  2. do my homework (not likely)
  3. grade papers (ugh, that does need to get done)
  4. watch t.v. (there's nothing good on)
  5. yard work (ummm, nope, that's the hubby's job)
  6. read a book (my battery is dead on the nook)
  7. internet shop ....hmmm I think we have a winner!
So because facebook is now off limits I'm going to spend a small fortune online shopping for the next 46 days.  I bet the hubby will love this!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Little Shits

So today my son got in trouble because another kid stole something from someone elses desk and blamed it on him.  HELLOOOOO son, for weeks I've been telling you this kid is a loser and you don't want to be around him.  The little shit took my sons homework and put his name on it.  Now my son is missing his homework and this little fuck got credit for his.

That's not even the beginning.  Today at baseball practice he decided to group up with two of the dumbest 8 year olds this world has ever seen.  Who show up to play baseball in swim trunks and flip flops?  (I'll give you a hint, these two morons.)  So because he chose to practice with these dorks he ended up running laps for over half of practice because they were too busy screwing around.

Grrrrrr.  I told him today that if he keeps hanging out with losers he's going to end up doing drugs and spend time in jail.  Then I told him if he went to jail I'd leave him there.  To harsh?  Maybe, but I'm so tired of him chosing to play with these little shits who's parents would rather buy their children off with toys and video games rather then be a parent and hold their child accountable for their actions.

He has permission tomorrow to tell this kid at school to leave him alone and not come near him any more.  If he gets in trouble for that his dad is going to go down to the school and have words with the principal.  I'm not going to watch my 8 year old become one of those little shits people rant about on their blogs.