Monday, November 23, 2009

Reverse Racism

I must start this little note with some background knowledge for the reader. Back in March of 2009 my son's preschool thought it would be a great idea to hatch some chickens from eggs. Long story short they moved in with us. I have spent the last 9 months raising these chickens. It started out really simple. Put the chicks in a box with a lamp for heat. Ha, did you know that if you don't turn they light off, they don't know its time for bed. So they are outside in their box at 12:00 A.M. chirping and squeaking under my bedroom window. Let me tell you, the husband was thrilled about this! Time goes by and my boys are having fun playing with them, but they want to show them to grandma on a web call. Great, now I have chicken who poop at will hovering over my laptop keyboard. Its ok, they held it in. The boys bring them in to watch cartoons and hang out in my family room. Ok, buy now they are a little big to be "lap" chickens.
Did I mention there are 5 of them. Yep, that's right 5 chickens, and no we don't live in the country, we are right here in town. (Oops, don't tell anyone) So I know your wondering what kind of chickens I have. Well I have 3 red ones and 2 black ones. No I don't know thier breed, it wasn't written on the egg before it hatched. So we needed to name them. At first they were just 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5; but seriously those names are lame so they got new ones.

At this time I'd like to introduce you to Michelle Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Reba Macintyre, Wynnona Judd, and Lucy Ball; of course at home we don't use their last names.

So now begins the tribulations with regard to reverse racism. At first I thought the chickens just didn't like dogs. They chased a lonely Chiuaua out of the yard. Seriously what kind of dog is scared of a chicken? The blue jays that use to sit in the grass, can't stop and rest their wings for fear of being attacked by my 5 girls. Ok so birds of a feather flock together...or so we thought. I went out back just the other day and well since my chickens own the yard and refuse to stay in their coop I went to see what they were doing. Reba and Wynonna were eating what was left of the pumpkin plant in the garden and Michelle and Oprah were pulling feathers from Lucy's neck. What the hell. So I yelled at Michelle and Oprah and put them in timeout for awhile. We do not pick fights. So after a discussion about playing nice with the other gals in the yard I let Mrs. Obama and Mrs. Winfery out on good behavior. You'd think they had learned their lessons right. Nope as soon as it was dinner time those two fat asses started a fight with Reba. Here's Reba wasting away while Michelle and Oprah gorge themselves. The least they could have done is kept the food from Wynonna (the other lard ass in the yard). So why is this? I think my black chickens are racist. They don't want any chickens except black chickens in the yard. This will not do, we do not condone racism in our home. So the solution to most of you would be just eat Michelle and Oprah right? WRONG! These are members of my family. The two racist ladies in the family will begin seeing a counselor and if that doesn't work, well, I guess I'll buy some red spray paint and give Michelle and Oprah a new look.

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