Monday, March 14, 2011

Where did all the fat go?

If your wondering where all the fat people are just take a walk at the grocery store or Walmart down the street from my house.  Holly cow batman.  I mean seriously how do you let your self get to be that big?  Its not healthy, its not attractive, and I'm sure it costs an arm and a leg to feed that belly. 

2083When did it become normal to have this big flap of skin and fat hanging so far down from your stomach that you can't see your knees?  Its hideous and wrong!  I'm not perfect and admit I own a few pairs of jeans that will give me the muffin top look (before you say anything I've had to kids so shut up).  But at the same time I'm not shooting for handicap plates on my car so I don't have to walk more then 10 feet the electric cart at the store.  What's the weight limit on those things anyway?  I could swear the woman at Walmart had smoke coming out from under hers.  Talk about engine strain.

So how do we take care of this obese epidemic?

I'm so glad you asked, because I have some great solutions:

  1. Lets not make clothing in that 2XL thru 8XL category any longer.  If they want to be that fat make them wear a sheet.  By providing these people with clothing that hides the enormous amount of fat are we really helping them?
  2. Put a scale in front of the counter at McDonalds and require these people to stand on it and have their weight publicly announced before they can place their order.  I can see it now..."You weigh 479 lbs.  Can I take your order? Would you like to supersize that big mac? No, ok let me make sure your order is correct.  That's a 20 piece chicken mc nugget, 2 big macs, 2 large fries, a large vanilla shake and a diet coke."  I guarantee that these people would turn around and walk out the door the minute they saw the scale.
  3. Lets narrow the doorways. Instead of those 40" doors or the double doors, all door opening should be 30" or smaller.  He he, I can just see these people trying to slide in sideways through the door like a bagel into a toaster.
  4. Mandate these people obtain a gym membership paid for out of pocket and use it before providing them with medical coverage.  Imagine the amount of heart disease and diabetes that could be cured with weight-loss alone. 
Just so we're clear I'm not a person who hates or despises overweight people.  I just don't understand how or why anyone would let their body fall so far into that fattening status.  Its wrong!  I want to live a long and healthy life and see my boys grow up to be the amazing men I know they will become, but I can't do that if I die from fat surrounding my heart and other internal organs causing unnecessary damage.  Wake up people!  Put the chili dog down and step away from the ho-ho's.  Grab a stalk of celery and go for a walk.  If you keep up these habits your going to die at an early age and the inheritance your family could have received will go to pay for your over sized casket.

A casket built for two or one REALLY large person

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